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Oh, Deer!Sunday, August 03 2008 |
Gene plans a romantic getaway with Shannon at their new vacation home in Whistler, B.C. Does Gene have everything he needs for a memorable trip? Let's see. There are rose petals, wine, chocolate strawberries, candles, a naked man, loud sex, and of course, Pictionary.
One of the not-so-secret pleasures of watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels is that we get to watch most of Gene's plans go spectacularly awry. This week's episode was no exception.
I will admit that I sat in front of the tube with a huge grin plastered across my face as Gene invited Shannon up to the new home he bought for her in the well known ski resort of Whistler, British Columbia. Canada. The Great Northwest. Certainly, Gene would be safe from Mr. Murphy and his misbegotten Law here. Nah. Not even a slight chance. As Shannon made a run to stock up on staples, Gene prepared for a romantic evening. He created a path of red rose petals, dipped fresh strawberries in molten chocolate, brought out the wine and the candles. When Shannon returned she was deeply moved and ready to demonstrate her love. But, not so fast, Ms. Tweed. This is Gene Simmons we're talking about, and the law, Murphy's or otherwise, is the law.
Appearing on the stairs of the chateau is Rocky and his family. They have rented the house from the previous owners, and had been doing so for the past seven years. Shannon tried to explain that the home was now owned, but Rocky and family would not be dissuaded. To complicate matters even more, Gene's partner, Anthony Roman returns to the house. There are no available rooms anywhere in Whistler. The family is invited to stay. Here's a hint, folks. They didn't look like they were even thinking of leaving. As for romance, Shannon declared that she had: "Lost her Mojo." Maybe in the morning. Wait. Could that be a strange toddler in bed with you? You betcha.
Gene and Shannon need a break and decide to do a bit of shopping. While in a local gift shop they spot a deer head ready for mounting above a fireplace. Shannon is visibly upset at the sight of the severed head. The couple return home just in time for the second couple and their family to arrive at the chateau. What? No one mentioned that two families were renting the house? Anthony sees that Gene and Shannon need some alone time, so he takes the families on a shopping excursion for ingredients for the authentic Italian meal he will be preparing. There are no Italian ingredients in the stores, so it's American cuisine for everyone. What better on a romantic escape than burgers and hot dogs? How about a game of Pictionary? Ever the competitor, Gene is in Boardgamers Heaven, while Shannon just looks bored. As a peace offering, the families buy Gene and Shannon a gift. Every good Canadian home owner needs a severed deer head above the fireplace. Gene and Shannon look truly aghast. They choose a less kid-friendly downstairs bedroom to sleep in where they are treated to loud sex from the next room, and a naked man nearly running into Shannon in the hallway. Nine extra people for a romantic getaway. Is there any wonder why the couple decided to return home?
In parting, Gene assures Shannon that there will be no further guests at their new home. That is, unless you count the 2010 Olympics.
