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Mike, a recap Saturday, August 09 2008

Mike has had some nasty jobs over the past few seasons, but from this week's poll, it seems the worst job would be inseminating a turkey. One could only assume it was the fear of heights that made working on top of a windmill second.

In this piece we'll briefly revisit those two shows. Be sure to check out the gross turkey insemination video in the movie section, if you didn't have the misfortune of watching the episode.

The turkey inseminator job took place at the Oakdale Farm in Kensington, Minnesota. Mike got to, ahem, milk a male turkey, then use the gathered seamen to inseminate the females. If you didn't see the episode, female turkeys can be quite messy when strapped to a metal contraption having a hose shoved inside them.

Mike lifted the male turkeys, called the tom, onto a bench-like contraption for the milking, if only there was a better term.

Then came the fun part. . . siphoning off the seamen. The farmer instructed Mike to squeeze the phallus, which would cause the Tom to excrete seamen, which he then had to siphon off with a hose attached to a vial. The chances of getting any in your mouth is rare, but possible.

"That's why I told you to bring water," the farmer explained.

Mike had trouble getting the Tom to secrete anything, so the farmer said he would squeeze and Mike could suck.

"It takes practice," the farmer said.

"I've been practicing for almost four decades," Mike replied.

After the Toms have been milked, it was off to the hen house. They grabbed the female by the legs, put her in a clamp, that grabbed her feet. Next, they took a shot of seamen, loaded into a machine and distributed it through a hose by a burst of air. The hose was, of course, inside the hen.

Mike sat on a stool behind the turkey, straddling it. The turkey was hanging upside down by its feet. Mike placed a knee on either side and gave a gentle squeeze to keep it steady, then inserted the hose in the right hole, hit the trigger and let her go.

The process ended up being quite messy, as the hens like to go to the bathroom when you grab them, spraying a vile mess into the air and onto unsuspecting cameramen.

There you go, a friendly reminder of what Mike does for his adoring fans.

The next that you found unpleasant took place on the roof of a giant wind-powered generator in Carnegie, Oklahoma. Although it looked clean from the outside, it's always what lies beneath that keeps him employed.

Mike started by climbing to the top of the 241 foot structure to inspect the nuts that hold it together. The roof and instruments of the wind turbine generators vibrate loose from the constant wind so the crew has to climb to the top of these structures regularly to make sure the nuts are tight. The only way to the top is a giant ladder inside the shaft of the windmill.

Mike was told before going to the roof that he must stay tied off at all times. The winds can get strong at the top and no one wanted to see him fly off, well they didn't want to see the sudden stop anyway.

"Oh, yeah, that's high," Mike said as he climbed out the small hatch in the roof.

On the top there are several instuments that take measurements and relay them back to a computer on the ground. They had to inspect the caulking around the instruments and check the nuts.

While inspecting the top, they received a radio call informing them that large gusts were coming in, so they needed to climb down.

With the trip to the roof out of the question; it was time to stay indside the shaft and clean up some grease. The next phase took place in 'the hole,' as they called it. The hole was a crawl space near the rotating shaft that was spun by the rotation of the propeller.

Mike climbed into the crawlspace with a rag and a solvent. The rotating parts need to be oiled, but the rotation also causes oil and grease to get on the parts.

"The parts are huge, but fragile," Mike explained. "The oil and grease attract dust."

The dust causes the parts to fail, so at least twice a week the crew head up and clean em out. Once the grease and oil are cleaned up, Mike headed to his last stop - changing an oil filter.

To change the filter they have to hang upside down over a railing to remove several large nuts. Once the nuts are out, they carefully lower the heavy filter into a bucket and replace it with a clean one. That done, it's on to the next job.

"If you wanna get clean, or green, you gotta' get dirty first," Mike said.

Hopefully you enjoyed this trip down memory lane - I'm sure Mike will.